“The highest duty we owe our friends is that of keeping their own nobleness and goodness pure and incorrupt. If we let our friends become cold and selfish, we are no true friend.” – Harriet Beecher Stowe
I am from Colorado where people are raised to be blunt and glossy manners aren’t something one puts much stock in - honesty is the currency of value there. That doesn’t mean people are mean to each other. Our mamas still teach us, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” But when a problem arises, the idea is to keep your words clear, say what needs saying, own what you said, then let it go.
This way of communicating hasn’t always served me well here in the South and over the years I have learned to soften it some. Conversely, what is acceptable communication-wise here in the South has become much rougher. Maybe me and the South have met in the middle or maybe what is considered acceptable communication has deteriorated over the past 20 or so years.
It started with tinted windows. Drivers don’t have to own their behavior behind the wheel, once shrouded in that anonymous dark. Honk, cut ‘em off in traffic, don’t yield; go ahead, run that stop sign; gesture and yell things out the window…there is no limit to how ugly I can be when no one can see me!
Then there were the anonymous Chat Rooms – the next step down the path to perversion and personal unaccountability. If you don’t know my real name, I can say anything. No limits, no manners, no morals imposed…The rise of Reality TV brought us new and baser standards in normality, meaning if there’s no drama goin’ on in your life, we ain’t tunin’ in.
Here come cell phones and suddenly all of our business gets broadcast, loudly and often rudely in lines, on sidewalks and in stores. Trust me, most of the things you’re talking about, coupled with the language you use, I don’t want to hear. But then again, you’re not accountable for your behavior – you’re busy having an important conversation on the phone, hoping all those around you are tuned in to what a great episode in your life show this is.
Some time along the way basic, unbiased, often boring news reporting on TV fell by the wayside and eye-rolling, name calling and unabashed drama (think FOX News) became the norm. This further fanned the flames of lack of civility, making dramatic, judgmental, Reality TV-esque behavior even more of the norm because, after all, if they act that way on the news…
Once the rest of the media went online and online commenting became part of our news-experience, anonymous ugliness came into its own. And, no where is that more evident than the comments online at this newspaper’s website. Our publisher’s recent call for commenters to stay on topic and quit calling each other names flew right over many, if not most of their heads. Within no time, too many of them were back typing irrelevant ugly-for-ugliness-sake comments, hiding behind their clever made-up names.
Back in the day, letters to the editor had to include the writer’s address, as well as his or her name. I wonder what impact imposing that old school rule on the online comment community would have…not so much fun spewing hate, bile and nonsense when folks know who you are and where you live.
The arguments for the continued acceptance of all this include: “hey, it’s America” or “freedom of speech” or “it encourages discourse” or “people deserve a public forum to discuss their ideas/life” or “you can’t tell me what to do…” Poppy cock. Anonymity and self-centered rudeness are covers used by people who think we are more interested in their lives and opinions than we are.
In my world, we’d go back to using names, looking at faces, confronting each other directly, and moving on. There would be no Reality TV; newscasters would go back to being dull talking heads spewing only to the facts. No more tinted windows and no more carrying that phone everywhere. It’s back to basics, folks - time to rein things in and get a grip.
We’re on our way to hell in a hand basket and it’s time to stop enjoying the ride. We are not all stars; this is not a Reality TV show. We’re just a bunch of ordinary people facing various challenges in our lives. The illusion that we’re all very important and our opinions interest everyone is just that – something we see only in our own mirrors.
It’s time to start holding ourselves and our friends accountable for words and actions. It’s time to step away from the continued and escalating abyss…If you have a strong opinion, act on it. If you want to effect change, do something besides type. Be more mindful of what your mama would say. After all, did she really raise you to act that way?
Lorin Sinn-Clark is features editor of the Barrow Journal. She can be reached at lorin@barrowjournal.com
The nice thing around here is that w, while this newspaper does follow the jerry springer example of news, at least they let people type responses to their own bloviations.
If you totally stopped people from doing that then they would probably stop reading your paper.
If not take on the blogging patrol. I sure they would pay you as much as you are on here.
The basics of your editorial comment are sound, although we have had some disagreements in the past. As an independent Conservative political blogger for over 3 years on another newspapers web page, I always sign my name and take full responsibility for my editorial comments.
I was raised in a conservative Southern Baptist home with very strict parents, who always hammered home sound moral values whether I liked it or not. I am glad they did.
I have no problem with anyone who has a different viewpoint or objects to my opinion on any given political topic, as long as they stay on topic, and refrain from "personal attacks" that have no relevance to the discussion. Calling people names behind "Fake blog names" shows a real lack of thought processes, and certainly does not bode well for the individual who does it, especially those who attempt to persuade others to vote for them in various upcoming elections, while failing to use their REAL NAME, so that they can be held accountable for their actions.
While I agree that people have the right to free speech, I also agree that if the free speech is offensive, I have the right to defend against it. You can have your opinion, make your point(s) and keep the conversation civil. If you want to have respect, you have to earn it by your actions...............
DuWayne
She is trainable though ha!
She was a good neighbor and a kind one. Lay off!
Name calling as in ie shrew is very immature and lacks not only good breeding but shows a sheer lack of vocabulary.
It is obvious that the cold winters in Colorado have served her well as she does not have the thinned skinned attitude you seem too.
Now before you reply, I am just exercising MY 1st Amendment rights.
Just stick to the topic. You really do have some good points sometimes.
Posters 4.1 and 5.1 are perfect examples of what you are trying to get people to understand about bloggers who are scared to use their real names for fear of some sort of reprisal. They offer only their personal views, and try to convince others that what they say and think represents what the rest of the general public thinks, when in fact, it doesn't. Their only contribution is negative personal attacks that they find amusing, but is off topic and adds zero to the conversation.
The rest of your readers can judge their comments about others for themselves.
DuWayne
DuWayne
We believe in lower taxes (not raising taxes).
We believe in less governmental intrusion into our lives.
We believe in equal opportunity for all of our citizens (not equal results of misery)."
Because she describes exactly what is going on in the protests.