Every woman must notice how after having children, the time she gets to herself becomes limited.
I can imagine that for mothers who work full-time and also have young children, it must be nearly impossible to get free time that can be spent any way she wishes, whether it’s visiting friends, cleaning the house, taking a hot bath, or reading a book.
If there is one thing I don’t like about homeschooling, it’s not getting much time to myself. I admit that when it comes to spending time alone, I’m a selfish being. I know there are people in this world who don’t have any luxury of dreaming about “me time,” but that doesn’t stop me from craving it. I need it to recharge my batteries, and when I don’t get it, I can feel my patience level sinking to an all-time low.
Even with a helpful husband (I am fortunate to have one of those), my free time is limited. I get snatches of time when my husband plays with the boys or takes them to the store. Most days I get an hour in the afternoon when my boys watch T.V., and I also get the late night hour after they go to bed. Usually this is fine, and having children has made me skilled at time management. I try not to waste the time I have.
I still dream of having a babysitter, though, or an occasional day to myself. Unfortunately, even if we could afford a babysitter, our youngest son does not do well with other people.
I know all it will take is a little more time, and my boys will be older and more self-sufficient, but that doesn’t help when my patience is stretched.
I wondered how other homeschooling moms balance their needs with their families, so I asked. I sent a message to one of the homeschooling lists I’m subscribed to and learned that I’m not alone when it comes to wishing for a “mother’s helper.” Everyone wants to carve out a little “me time.”
One of my friends responded and told me that she usually stays up until 2 a.m. to get 2-3 hours to herself after everyone has gone to bed. Fortunately, her family sleeps in, which is a perk with homeschooling — you get to choose your own schedule.
Another mom who describes herself as a “type A” personality said it was difficult to keep her sanity during her children’s early years. Her one “break” was teaching childbirth classes, and though it wasn’t a real break, she loved it, and it gave her a chance to get out of the house and meet other adults.
When the kids got older, she had to quit teaching in order to continue homeschooling while helping her husband start a new business.
She said that inexpensive summer camps helped her keep sane during this intense period, and as their financial situation improved, they were able to send their kids to other camps that they were interested in attending.
Now that this time of her life has past, she says she doesn’t regret homeschooling. The time together as a family was invaluable, but she does wish she had carved out a little more time to herself so that she had not gotten so burned out.
Another mother says that the gym has been her saving grace. “I told my husband several months ago that if he wanted me to be able to homeschool fully and happily (most of the time), I needed to join a gym. I get about 2 hours to myself every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.”
She also sings in a community choir, but other than that, she doesn’t get any free time.
She continues, “I’ve been home, full time, with 2-3 children around me since February 2008. I have good, calm, happy days, and I have days where I’m the one yelling and can’t figure out what is wrong with me.”
Another mother told me that she can have free time any time she wants, if she asks her husband, but she’s not always good about asking. Another lucky mom said that after a few difficult years with a clinging infant, her father and step-mother moved close to them, and now she gets plenty of breaks. “Everybody needs a Nana Fay,” she says.
The verdict is that free time is a luxury most mamas can’t afford.
It may be difficult homeschooling and keeping my children with me 24/7, but as I tell my husband, my worst days as a mother are still ten times better than working in an office (at least for me). So I’ll stop complaining now and go listen to my sleeping boys snore.
Shelli Bond Pabis is a Winder resident and columnist for the Barrow Journal. You can reach her at writetospabis@gmail.com.
