Currently I’m enjoying a visit from my in-laws, who flew in recently from Chicago, which is where my husband grew up. My father-in-law will be here for just two weeks, but I talked my mother-in-law into staying for longer because she is a great help to me with the children, and whenever she visits, I get REAL breaks.
I still have to do many of the chores that I do when she’s not here, but now there are two women doing them, and that makes all the difference. I can see why in certain cultures, multiple generations of families lived together. Tending to children and keeping a home is just too much for a single person.
Actually, she does all of the laundry while she’s here, which by itself is an amazing gift to me. It means that I can find spaces of time to do other things I have been neglecting for months. For example, going to the eye doctor because I can barely see through my lenses anymore, giving my rose bush some TLC, and organizing the completely unorganized boxes of toys that are dominating the living room.
While my father-in-law is here, he does many home improvement projects that my husband has no time for because of his work schedule and the time he spends with the children. When he first visited us, I had a hard time getting used to this. It just didn’t seem right that guests should work around the house so much, but my in-laws have an incredible work ethic. They enjoy doing these things. It’s part of life.
Maybe it’s because they emigrated from Poland after a devastating war and working hard has been a means to a better life for them. I hope that by knowing them, my work ethic and appreciation for our home and livelihood has increased. I think it has.
I have learned from my husband and my in-laws that nothing we have should be taken for granted. You never know what life might throw at you, and now more than ever, I realize that we need to plan for the future, save money for emergencies, and carefully decide what is worth owning and what is not.
One thing I appreciate about my in-laws is their deep commitment to their children and their desire to keep helping them no matter how old they get. They are not overly pushy, but they are always here to help when we need them, and I see that I want to do this for my own children.
When I was a young adult, I had a few friends who were told that when they turned 18 or 21, they would have to move out of the house and make it on their own.
I know of parents who think children should pay their own way through college. They think the school of hard knocks is good for them. I’m thankful my parents were not like this.
There may be some kids who have taken a path in which they don’t deserve support and they need to learn what it means to make it on their own, but I hope I can teach my children the value of money and what a true work ethic is without pushing them out the door at eighteen.
Life is hard, especially for young adults just starting out on their own. If children are hard-working and not wasting their resources, I firmly believe that parents should help them with their education and give them a leg up when starting out on their own, if they can. Ideally, each generation should help the next generation. Parents will need help in old age too.
I know I’m an idealist on this subject. So many people don’t have anyone else to help them. Whether emotionally or financially, it makes a huge difference in a person’s life if there is someone who can lend a hand. I have been blessed in this regard, and for this, I’m very grateful.
Shelli Bond Pabis is a Winder resident and columnist for the Barrow Journal. You can reach her at writetospabis@gmail.com.
