PABIS: Internet dating tips

There was a time that Valentine’s Day was a little depressing to me, but then I decided to do something about it. Not everyone knows that I met my husband through the Internet. It’s more acceptable to meet someone on the Internet now, but when I tried it, a few people told me that it would never do for them. It sure beats sitting at home on the weekends feeling sorry for yourself, though.

I tried match.com for about a year before I met my husband. I met about seven men in person, and I talked to a few more on the phone. There is always the fear that Internet dating could be dangerous, but it’s no more dangerous than going on a date with someone you only met once in a bar or other location. Sure, people might lie on their profiles, but if you have common sense and decent intuition, you will be able to sort the sketchy from the sincere. All the men I went out with before I met my husband were nice guys, though they were not my match.

I found that most of them were like me. They had come to a place in their lives when they were looking for a more meaningful relationship, but meeting people had gotten harder as they got older. I know for myself, it was easy to meet people while I was in college and throughout my 20s, but once I entered my 30s, single men became scarce, especially in a college town like Athens, which is where I was living at the time.

Trying something like match.com did not guarantee that I would find the right person, but it did help me to meet people who were also looking for potential mates. It can be a frustrating experience — dating is frustrating no matter how you meet the people! There’s an expression that says you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince. Unfortunately, while on match.com, there were a lot of unsavory e-mails to sort through too. But deleting e-mails was much easier than kissing frogs!

With that said, if you ever try Internet dating, let me tell you what NOT to do: 1) don’t misspell words, especially simple ones, several times throughout your profile 2) don’t bitterly complain about a quality your ex had that you do not wish to see in a potential mate, and 3) don’t say you are looking for a long-term relationship when you just got divorced two weeks ago.

In addition, 4) when you e-mail someone, write them a personal note which lets them know you studied their profile (generic letters sent to 100+ people are obvious), 5) don’t just say that you like sports and movies in your profile — write some honest details about yourself that will set you apart from other people, and 6) if you have children, don’t say that they will always come first, especially in a tone that lets the receiver think she may never have any real importance in your life. (A good match will never come between you and your kids.)

It’s also important to post a photo. This surprised a friend of mine when I told her that, but after doing the Internet dating for a while, I learned that pictures do say a thousand words. When I saw my husband’s profile, I felt that from what he wrote, he seemed sincere, we had some things in common, and he was intelligent. When I looked at his photo, I saw a very unpretentious guy standing in his backyard with his two dogs.

If you’re single and wanting to meet somebody special, I highly recommend giving the Internet a try. And don’t give up on it. I admit, there were times when I started to give up, but obviously I’m glad I didn’t. Now that my husband and I have been married for almost seven years, we are proof that Internet dating can work.

Shelli Bond Pabis is a Winder resident and columnist for the Barrow Journal. You can reach her at shelli@mamaofletters.com.