BROWN: The ABCs of cheesy cinema

While a movie might not reach their potential, we shouldn’t be upset or discouraged when we finish a bad film. Instead, we should embrace it. We aren’t calling “Stonehenge Apocalypse” the next “Indiana Jones” by any means; the two can’t even compare. If you want to survive and even enjoy these poor, unfortunate movies, follow the ABC’s.

A: Acceptance. The first step is to accept the movie for what it is. A big warning sign for cheesy flicks is if it’s a straight-to-DVD release. If you’ve never seen previews or any hype about it, odds are it’s a low budget jewel. Ever seen previews for “Stonehenge Apocalypse”? Exactly.

B: Browse. If you’re like me, you like cheesy. The cheesier the better. You want to find a movie cheesier than your nachos. How do you find them? Browse the internet, electronics stores, and magazines. Sometimes if you browse for movies that have a favorite actor of yours, you can find buckets of cheese. For instance, I am a huge fan of Bela Lugosi and by investing in one of those “15-in-one DVD” sets, I found “The Invisible Ghost.”

C: Critique. Once you’ve found a movie to waste 80 minutes of your life on, find some elements you can critique. Even cheesy movies have some quality about them you can admit is pretty decent. In the chartbusting hit “Zombie Strippers,” one can find many things to critique. Right away from the title, one already knows the entire plot of the movie. Strippers strip.

Zombies eat people. Put those two together and I don’t think I need to spell it out for you. Critique the write up on the back of the case. When watching a film, find a good element to it. With the example of “Zombie Strippers,” sure the dialogue can’t be salvaged, but the make-up effects are pretty good. Always find a positive.

D: Dive In! Sometimes you just need to risk a bad movie. What do you have to lose? You can always laugh about it later. That’s why we love these horribly cheesy movies. Grease 2 is my favorite movie of all time. Why? Because it’s so bad. It’s set in 1961 but the music is clearly from 1982. They all are Californian, yet they have New Jersey accents and Italian last names. My family and I adore this movie because it is so bad. Sometimes you just have to jump into a movie. Who knows, you may end up loving it.

Cheesy films are a genre on their own. You can’t compare them to movies with great acting, plot lines and special effects. It’d be like comparing apples and oranges.

They are both good in their own way. Sometimes you have to peel away layers and layers of crud to get to the golden nugget, but if you stick with the ABCD’s of cheesy cinema, you’ll be able to see the silver lining a tad bit easier.

Jessica Brown is the photographer for the Barrow Journal. You can reach her at jessica@picsbyjessica.com.