COLUMN: A mission in survival: Going to Wal-Mart

Sometimes going to Wal-Mart can turn into a visit in the Twilight Zone. At times, it can be a nightmare. Other times, it can be a safari of unbelievable sights and sounds.

If you’re anything like me, then when you go shopping you want to get in and get out quickly. If you have a place to be, you don’t want to waste anytime trying to check out or fight through the aisles. If you are hunting for that specific item on your list, you want to snatch it up before someone else does. And those check out lines… carts stacked up practically to the ceiling! Needless to say, a trip to Wal-Mart can turn sour very quickly.

In order to learn survival skills, we must get to the problem. Why is it always so crowded? It’s obvious and simple. Wal-Mart has low prices. Who wouldn’t want to shop there? Not only is it cheap, but also it’s got nearly everything you’ll need in it.

Does your cat need a new bed? Wal-Mart has them. Do you need a carton of ice cream when your boyfriend/ girlfriend breaks up with you? Wal-Mart has it. Do you need to have your hair done for that job interview? Wal-Mart does it. Do you need a gun to fight off zombies? Wal-Mart has guns too. See, Wal-Mart, as most big box stores of this kind, has virtually everything for any scenario.

Now on to address the main areas of frustration. Let’s start with the aisles. Why are aisles so irritating? Well I personally believe that an aisle itself cannot be irritating, however the people passing through the aisle can be.

How many times have you been walking down the aisle when all of a sudden a cart rolls over your foot? It’s happened to me plenty of times. I like to classify these persons as the “Careless Carters” because they don’t care where their carts roll. There are some people who do notice and apologize (they are not included). The “Careless Carters” are the people who truly don’t care where their cart goes.

How can we avoid this? If everyone treats the lanes and aisles like roadways, it’d be much safer. When you come to the end of the lane, stop and look both ways before making your move. Even if you’re not navigating a cart, you still need to respect the “rules of the road.” Cart users are to car drivers as non-cart users are to bicyclists. Noncart users need to be extra careful. Treat it as a two-way road.

Second frustration: Why does check out take so long? With the economy not doing so hot, budget cuts have even hit the very successful company. There are so many checkout lanes in Wal-Mart, but there are usually only a handful of cashiers. Hopefully when the economy is on its way up more checkouts will be available. In the meantime, we have a serious back up of grocery buyers.

Most people do this. I certainly know my family and I do it. We buy everything we need all in one trip. Want to get out of Wal-Mart faster? Try buying groceries in shifts. Make out a list in order of importance. Need milk and eggs? Get that first. Any items that need to be cooked or refrigerated would be a higher priority than chips and cookies.

Also try keeping items to 20 or under so you can go through the speedy check out. If you want to check out yourself, go through self-checkout. But the huge cartloads are only part of the problem with the slow checkout.

What’s the other part? People not being ready to pay. I can’t even count the amount of people I’ve seen dig through their purses and wallets trying to find their cash or card. If you are checking out, you obviously know you are going to have to use some method of payment eventually. While you’re being rung up… here’s an idea, get your card out then! Don’t spend five minutes trying to find your stuff afterwards. If you have it ready before hand you’ve saved someone else valuable time. Think about people behind you. They could have melting ice cream or food spoiling. The faster the process goes, the better.

To sum up the basic survival Wal-Mart skills, fill in the blank with the correct answer: 1. When I go to Wal-Mart and go through the aisles I should: A. Use the “rules of the road” B. Act like Godzilla destroying Tokyo 2. When checking out I should: A. Be ready to pay BEFORE everything has been rung up B. Try to limit my items or try to take shifts and smaller trips C. All of the above If you answered A and C congratulations you are a winner! You have successfully acquired the survival skills in this column and you’re ready to put them to the test.

Jessica Brown is the photographer for the Barrow Journal. You can reach her at jessica@picsbyjessica.com.